


Origins

by Zoe Rayne (MontanaHarper)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-10-08
Updated: 2005-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-11 20:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/116753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MontanaHarper/pseuds/Zoe%20Rayne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It doesn't start like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Origins

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank-yous to Casspeach and Cathexys for beta reading. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

_It doesn't start like this:_

John slides his hand down McKay's arm, intending to feel for a pulse in McKay's wrist and ending up curling his fingers around McKay's, holding the seemingly lifeless hand and hoping for a miracle.

When Weir announces that McKay's breathing, John's grip loosens and he stands, pulling away.

_It doesn't start like this:_

John's chest aches and his lungs protest as he tries to suck in air. The floor is hard under him, and something's covering his mouth and nose. The first thing he sees when he looks up is McKay's eyes, wide and blue and worried, and then there are several pairs of gentle hands lifting him from the floor up onto something softer.

He comes to again in the infirmary and the whole team is there, but McKay is closest to his side, fingertips resting on John's bare forearm.

When the nurse comes to clean and bandage his neck, John flirts with her.

_It doesn't start like this:_

Kolya's voice over the radio: "After which, should the power still be out, Dr. McKay dies."

Something knots in John's stomach, and part of his mind starts working on ways to kill Kolya—slowly and painfully—even as the rest of him is running for the generator, trying to get it online in time to save Elizabeth's life and McKay's. It's nothing personal, nothing he wouldn't do for any of his people. Still, he's out of breath when he makes it to the room with the disabled naquadah generator, and it takes all of his control not to rush the Genii soldiers who try to stop him from repairing it.

When it's all over and done, the city and her inhabitants safe from storm and storm troopers alike, he turns away from the sight of McKay's injured arm.

_It doesn't start like this:_

John really hates the radios.

He listens to McKay's voice break, each anguished word leaving him feeling more frustrated, more impotent. His own heartfelt words stick in his throat, and it doesn't matter that he's disobeyed Elizabeth's direct orders and put the whole city at risk, because it's all been for nothing. Any second now McKay is going to die screaming, and John is going to have to bear witness to it.

Except that McKay doesn't die, and the next time they're in the same room, John's eyes slide past McKay like he's not there.

_It doesn't start like this:_

John's been in worse situations, both on Earth and in the Pegasus Galaxy, but that doesn't mean he can't drag his feet when it comes to his imminent death. McKay looks at him, guilt and regret writ large on his expressive features, and John almost reaches out, almost gives in to the temptation to touch just once before he loses the opportunity forever.

Before he can move, though, the solution comes to him in a metaphorical blinding flash, and then Ford sets off the real blinding flash. Things happen so fast, and it's like the universe can't seem to make up its mind: first John is dead, and then he's not; they have a ZPM, only they don't.

John's reaching for McKay, but his hand stays at his side.

_It starts like this:_

One minute John's in a puddle jumper making a kamikaze run on the nearest Wraith hive ship, his mind filled with a year of regrets, a year of running away from whatever this thing is between him and McKay, and the next minute he's aboard a space ship on his way back to Atlantis, McKay's disbelieving voice coming loud and clear over the comm.

He's not a religious man, but he thinks maybe he's getting a second chance here, maybe he's being given an opportunity to make some changes in his life. Or maybe it's not so much a second chance as a final warning. Do or die. John tells himself that this time he's not going to walk away, no matter what.

And he doesn't, even though he almost changes his mind a dozen times and when he finally gets McKay alone he's more nervous than he was in the puddle jumper with a nuke as a co-pilot.

Do or die, he thinks, and then he reaches out and touches, cupping one hand on McKay's stubbled jaw and watching as clear blue eyes widen in surprise. He leads into the kiss slowly, giving McKay a chance to stop him, but McKay doesn't resist at all, sliding his broad, strong hands around John's back and drawing him closer.

When they finally break apart, McKay's grinning crookedly at him. "Took you long enough."

"Yeah, well," John says, feeling a smile start to curl his own lips. "I'm not a genius like you. Cut me some slack, okay?"


End file.
